Reflections #24. Loving Limits and safety 💌

Reflections
Reflecting on my parenting journey, may you see yourself reflected.

Loving limits
and safety

Issue #24, August 2017

Welcome

I haven’t written a newsletter for months! Beginning to home school both my children has all to do with it. But here I am again, and with some changes! The first one is that, instead of writing, I am sending you a video. Let me know what you think of it! It is much quicker for me to do it this way, and I suspect it might be easier for you to listen than to read my very long Reflections…

The second change is that I am planning follow a more organic rhythm with my newsletters and, instead of sending them every month, send them whenever it feels alive for me. We’ll see how often that ends up being!

What hasn’t changed, though, is my desire to hear from you, to share your parenting journey and know what inspires and challenges you. And if you’d like me to address any particular subject with my Reflections, please also let me know!

Another thing that hasn’t changed is the Glossary section at the end with the definitions of the Aware Parenting terms I use. I hope that is useful. Happy reading/listening/watching! 😉 

Reflections #25. Loving Limits and safety

Afterthoughts

There is one thing I’d like to clarify about my reflections in the video. Loving Limits feel safe because the balance between the limit and the love/compassion/ acceptance/understanding is perfect. That perfect balance is hard to find and often short on the side of love. Thoughts of the sort of “she should not do that” or “that’s not OK” or “I wish he would not do this” easily tip the balance and make the limit too harsh.

A perfect balance in my husband’s limit that day told me that I was loved, respected and honoured, even when dumping my pain, and that feeling was what made it safe for me. If a limit is too harsh, it’s unlikely that the person receiving it will feel safe enough, because they will feel judged or attacked.

As I said in the video, at the moment my son is in the process of learning a difficult lesson on Loving Limits, and I am noticing that, even with all my awareness, personal work and parenting training, I am still not quite making it safe enough for him. I reckon this is our challenge as parents in this area: to enquire into how we are setting boundaries, and to stretch our sensitivity regarding that love/limit balance to the point where we are able not only set them in absolute inner peace, but in such a way that our children feel honoured, respected, understood, safe and unconditionally loved.

I’d love to hear what helps you manage that. I’m always keen to receive inspiration!

And that goes for our own inner children, too!

What’s up locally

If you want to hear about local events aligned with Inspired Parenting, you can subscribe to my ‘Wholesome Parenting events’ newsletter. It comes toward the end of the month to let you know about talks, workshops and open support groups happening between the Gold Coast, Ballina and Kyogle the following month.

To subscribe, send me an email (you can just reply to this one) with your request, name and email address. 

Inspired Parenting Glossary

Loving Limits:
A term created by Marion Rose to describe the pairing of gentle empathy with a clear limit, in a loving and connected manner. In both our behaviour and language, we communicate a combination of a deep sense of unconditional love and acceptance (with statements like: ‘I see that you’re upset, I see that you really want that, I’m here, I love you, I’m listening, I’m sorry I wasn’t here to help’) with a limit to a behaviour (for example: ‘I won’t let you have any more, I’m not willing for you to, I am not going to allow this right now, mummy says no’). For more on Loving Limits, read Marion Rose’s article http://www.marionrose.net/loving-limits/.

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