Balancing, 18/4/16

The children have been on holidays for two weeks and, today, I begin to notice some of my needs that I have been neglecting. Looking back, I realise that I haven’t had my weekly dose of exercise, or invested nearly enough time in my passion and business, Inspired Parenting. Trying to work out how could I meet those needs, I see a pattern. For a long time I have been reflecting on how to meet my needs as well as those of the kids and the house on an ongoing basis. It works well during the term and it doesn’t so much during the holidays; now I can see a weak spot in my trying to keep that balance .

I notice that, for me, balancing is often a dance between flow and structure, which could be seen as a dance between the feminine and the masculine principles. We all have masculine and feminine inside, but most men have more of the first one, whereas most women have more of the second. That means that I, for instance, find it easier to go with the flow in life, and harder to create some structure; this is what, I have realised, tips my scales out of center during the holidays. On the other hand, my beloved husband, when going out of balance, will be more likely missing some flexibility and adaptability, being too heavy on the timetables. Striking the perfect balance is a unique and personal matter, because we are all different. But knowing that, for me, structure is more challenging than flow, it means I can make a special effort putting energy in the clarifying, organising and grounding part of my life so that I have more chances of striking that perfect personal balance. What I have realised is that I need to do that specially during the holidays.

The way I have done that in general is by, first of all, finding out what is important in my life and prioritising that, as well as assessing how long I want to invest in each one of those priorities during a week. My second step is spending time every morning alone and in silence. First I sense within to see what is important for me and the family that particular day, especially on the emotional level; and then I make a plan that includes this, plus all the tasks Balancingthat need to be done. My second step happens during this sacred time before the children wake up. But the third and most important element for me to work out the right balance of priorities in my life, is to look back and assess how things have gone. My feelings will clearly tell me when I am out of balance. So I listen to them, realise what is amiss and adjust accordingly. Trial and error is a good system to go by if we learn from the errors.

So this have been the reminders that life has provided me with this holidays: 1. In order to be the best version of myself and the mum I want to be, I need to look after my needs. 2. To look after my needs, I need to invest time working them out and looking back to assess previous attempts, at least every second day. 3. To make sure that all my needs are met, at times when we don’t have the usual structure of timetables, I need to pay special attention to it and plan for the self-nurturing practices that tend to get forgotten. It’s lovely to go with the flow as long as the basics are covered. And investing time in my passion is as much a basic as eating well.

What I also realise is how much I enjoy the process of clarifying values, prioritising needs, discerning blockages, working out strategies and understanding motivations. I was constantly fascinated and endlessly inspired during my coaching course, and all the tools I learned helped me enormously in my own clarifying process. One of the most interesting things I learned to support change is what holds us back in situations that are not 100% fulfilling or resourceful. I always thought this stuff should be taught at school because it is so relevant to living a happier live. One day, when we are all into Aware and Inspired parenting, children will inherit this knowledge from their parents. In the meanwhile, I believe it is helpful to acknowledge how tricky that is so, if you want a hand in gaining a better balance in your life, ask for help!

 

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